The blogging community has been so honest lately, that I feel compelled to share a glimpse of my story. The reality is, I don’t live a perfect life. I am learning, like so many of us, and in order to succeed, I must first fail several times. I was given my life because I am strong enough to handle it, but that doesn’t mean everything has been successful from the start.
This past decade has not been easy. I’ve had many positive experiences, but also frequent moments of sadness. I’ve made lasting friendships, but also lost loved ones. Sometimes I wake up motivated to make the most out of my day, but on several accounts I have slept in, as a way to avoid my anxiety about the day awaiting me.
I used to think my struggles weren’t fair. I didn’t ask to be dealt “a bad hand”, so why did I have to play my cards strategically? I wanted to live a normal childhood life, free of worry and obsession. I should have been enjoying social activities, but instead I found myself sitting through appointment after appointment.
The reality is, experiences happen for a reason. Although I can’t always quite understand why things don’t adhere to my plans, I am coming to terms with the fact that I don’t always have to be in control. My struggles have definitely made me stronger, and I have matured in a way I don’t think would have been possible, had my eyes not been exposed to truth. There is so much more suffering in the world than what any of us can grasp, but we are also all given tools so that we won’t give up. I will never understand what others are feeling, because as similar as situations may be, they aren’t identical.
My anxiety can be paralyzing even though it is self-imposed. A smile can be deceiving, and for a while, nobody knew the worries I faced within. I have finally developed the skills to make peace with my internal fear, by acknowledging it, and then letting it go. From academic achievements to my food intake, I have controlled so many aspects of my life as a way to deal with my insecurities and emotions. I have put my family through so many hard times, and they’ve only repaid me with unconditional love and assistance.
Today, I do not look back and feel sorry for myself because my experiences have shaped me into a better person. I may have missed out on many opportunities, but I am okay with that, because I have reclaimed my life and I have more life to live than what has passed. We all go through difficult times, and I am not here to say that my life was any more sad than others, but I am also not here to belittle my obstacles, as they weren’t easy hurdles to overcome. Instead, today, I try and be more grateful for what I now have because I never know what my future entails. I am now blessed with a forgiving body, good health and great healthcare, nutrition, a supportive family, amazing friends, a beautiful home and proper education. Each day I awake to a peaceful community, the freedom of speech, endless means of technology, and much much more. I am thankful for what others went through to achieve the lifestyle I am able to experience on a daily basis. Just like a flower, we must all grow through dirt.
Everyday I might have to consciously choose happiness, choose to nourish my body physically and choose to take care of my mind and spirituality, but it doesn’t matter that it’s not yet a habit as long as I am continuing to choose life. So even though I still have my setbacks, and even though each day I ask myself how I can step outside of my comfort zone, I am finally living a life that I am proud of. ♥ Molly
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. – Henry David Thoreau