The Truth Is…

The blogging community has been so honest lately, that I feel compelled to share a glimpse of my story. The reality is, I don’t live a perfect life. I am learning, like so many of us, and in order to succeed, I must first fail several times. I was given my life because I am strong enough to handle it, but that doesn’t mean everything has been successful from the start.

This past decade has not been easy. I’ve had many positive experiences, but also frequent moments of sadness. I’ve made lasting friendships, but also lost loved ones. Sometimes I wake up motivated to make the most out of my day, but on several accounts I have slept in, as a way to avoid my anxiety about the day awaiting me.

I used to think my struggles weren’t fair. I didn’t ask to be dealt “a bad hand”, so why did I have to play my cards strategically? I wanted to live a normal childhood life, free of worry and obsession. I should have been enjoying social activities, but instead I found myself sitting through appointment after appointment.

The reality is, experiences happen for a reason. Although I can’t always quite understand why things don’t adhere to my plans, I am coming to terms with the fact that I don’t always have to be in control.  My struggles have definitely made me stronger, and I have matured in a way I don’t think would have been possible, had my eyes not been exposed to truth. There is so much more suffering in the world than what any of us can grasp, but we are also all given tools so that we won’t give up. I will never understand what others are feeling, because as similar as situations may be, they aren’t identical.

My anxiety can be paralyzing even though it is self-imposed. A smile can be deceiving, and for a while, nobody knew the worries I faced within. I have finally developed the skills to make peace with my internal fear, by acknowledging it, and then letting it go. From academic achievements to my food intake, I have controlled so many aspects of my life as a way to deal with my insecurities and emotions. I have put my family through so many hard times, and they’ve only repaid me with unconditional love and assistance.

Today, I do not look back and feel sorry for myself because my experiences have shaped me into a better person. I may have missed out on many opportunities, but I am okay with that, because I have reclaimed my life and I have more life to live than what has passed. We all go through difficult times, and I am not here to say that my life was any more sad than others, but I am also not here to belittle my obstacles, as they weren’t easy hurdles to overcome. Instead, today, I try and be more grateful for what I now have because I never know what my future entails. I am now blessed with a forgiving body, good health and great healthcare, nutrition, a supportive family, amazing friends, a beautiful home and proper education. Each day I awake to a peaceful community, the freedom of speech, endless means of technology, and much much more. I am thankful for what others went through to achieve the lifestyle I am able to experience on a daily basis. Just like a flower, we must all grow through dirt.

Everyday I might have to consciously choose happiness, choose to nourish my body physically and choose to take care of my mind and spirituality, but it doesn’t matter that it’s not yet a habit as long as I am continuing to choose life. So even though I still have my setbacks, and even though each day I ask myself how I can step outside of my comfort zone, I am finally living a life that I am proud of. ♥ Molly

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.  Live the life you have imagined. – Henry David Thoreau

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13 thoughts on “The Truth Is…

  1. what a BEAUTIFUL post. i’m so glad you put this out there & i hope writing it was therapeutic. you seem to have come very far but it’s true, every single day we have to CHOOSE to live a healthy life, a life of happiness. it is so hard to choose the long-term path to safety over the short-term path that makes us feel safe at the time, but isn’t safe at all. you are so strong and i can really relate to everything you’ve written here. i’m always around if you need to talk.

    • Thank you Caitlin! The blogging world is so supportive and I am glad that I found your blog as it is so honest, helpful and fun! It sure was. Like you, I struggled to press “publish” because I do worry about hurting those closest to me!

  2. I loved this Molly, it’s surprisingly therapeutic to write about our feelings rather than saying them out loud. I always feel like we relate to each other on our control over things. I tend to worry about things going amiss if I can’t make sure I know exactly what is going on and what is going to happen. My food is just one of those things, I’m always so scared to loose that I control it like there’s no tommorrow.

    I wish that you and me both can eventually let go of our anxieties and fears and live our lives a lil bit more. Yes we may always have some worries, but at least we can feel a sense of freedom.

    I was just thinking about that “I don’t feel sad about my past as it made me who I am” today. It’s so true. We saw many things. We went through things some will never experience. These are the experiences that have brought us a unique sense of strength that we wouldn’t have if we hadn’t gone through adversity. Always embrace the challenges that have led to personal growth.

    oh I loved the saying “just like a flower, we all must grow through dirt”

    • I wouldn’t have met you had I not had my struggles, and chances are, my life would be a lot different. It’s so true – Yes I’ve lost dance, I’ve become more aware about my body and I am perfectionistic with aspects of my life, but I’ve matured and realized who and what is valuable in my life. Thanks Chelsea!

      • I love the fact that I got to meet you. You’re a beautiful person inside and out and I always want you to remember that! You’re totally right about being more aware of your habits as I have done the same. They are tough to let go but we can know that we are aware of them and actively working at making them a lil bit less extreme 😊

  3. Molly,

    I just started reading your blog after your date with Chelsea. This is absolutely beautiful and incredibly insightful. It honestly brought tears to my eyes and puts into words how I have felt throughout these new years of my life in recovery and as I approach the “real world.” Really what got me was the fact that choosing happiness may be something we must choose daily, but we can do it. I also love that first quote about the worries about tomorrow taking away from today. So true. Thanks girl, again this is beautiful.

    • I am glad you found my blog and thank you for commenting! I hope to share more words of wisdom and shed light on the experiences I’ve been through in the future! Life isn’t easy and too often people downgrade their struggles in hopes of feeling strong! The reality is accepting help is brave and we grow because of our struggles! Feel free to email me if you ever want extra support!

  4. First of all, you are such a beautiful writer! I can really relate to your struggles with anxiety, and I really commend you for sharing your struggles. It felt very freeing for me when I was open about my past (and current) trials. I can definitely relate to hiding my feelings with a smile and just seeming happy to everyone else. For me, anxiety was so hard to admit to having and being diagnosed with because I did not feel like I deserved to be anxious. I didn’t validate my own feelings, and I felt like I should have gone through more or had a much more terrible life to have anxiety and depression, but we are all entitled to our feelings! I’m very proud of you for sharing this, and you are truly an inspiration!

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